Monday 17 July 2006

If you’re not part of the solution, aren’t you part of the problem?

Few people approach me for an intuitive reading when everything in their life is going swimmingly. For the most part, people who come to me for one of my comprehensive medical intuitive readings are experiencing problems in their lives.

Yes, there is the person from time to time who is happily going along and ever striving to improve their life situation. But they are the exception and most definitely not the rule. No, most people who come to me have a problem – and many are struggling with quite a few.

By the time they decide to have a reading, they often feel that they are at their wit’s end. They know that they want life to improve. They aren’t sure, however, how to go about it or even if improvement is available as an option. But it never ceases to amaze me how often we close our eyes to our own contribution to our current life circumstances.

All too often we are ready to point the finger at someone else. My marriage failed because of her... My life is a mess because of how he treated me... They did this to me... I tried to stop them but I failed...

Nine times out of ten people are surprised to the point of insult when I ask them how they participated in their problems. So much so that many don’t really hear my following query of why they’ve done this or that to themselves.

There’s an old saying that if you’re not part of the solution you’re part of the problem. Innocent bystanders aside, if you are involved you are one or the other – part of the problem or part of the solution. Of course, most prefer to see it cut from a different cloth – there are perpetrators and then there are victims. It inevitably is someone else’s fault.

But is it so clear cut? Is it always them? And never us? Could it not be that we might have played a role in what’s happening in our lives? We are after all adults. And as adults, aren’t we responsible for our decisions and actions?

When we are happy and things are going well, we’re all too ready to accept the credit. It was me – I did it on my own. But the moment the road gets bumpy and the rains set in, the blame game commences.

Somewhere along the way – or perhaps we’ve always been like this – we began to think that it’s better to be an innocent victim, than to have played any role in the situation. By avoiding the stigma of sin we seem to end up shunning responsibility.

But by assuming the role of the innocent victim, any and all options for improvement vanish. There is nothing that can be done. Because we’re not responsible we have no power. And without power, the status quo cannot be challenged. On the contrary if we are involved and have participated at some level in our problems, then we are empowered to make changes for the better.

When things aren’t going as you would like them to the key to turning things around is to remain focussed on yourself. Looking at what someone else is doing wrong isn’t helpful or productive. No matter how much you wish you could, you can never control what someone does, says or thinks. It’s just one of those universal truths.

Your sphere of control is limited to you. What you can control is how you react and how you respond to what another does. Do you get frustrated? Do you get angry? Do you start crying? Or do you allow yourself to get so worked up that you are ready to explode? In each of these examples you have chosen to react that way.

To be sure, I’m not suggesting that you are to blame for everything that’s wrong in your life or that your problems are somehow your fault. That would be going to the other extreme. To live a healthy and authentic life a balance must be found. And the scales get closer to that point of equipoise when we see that we do indeed play a role in the problems in our lives.

The next time something isn’t going to plan ask yourself if you aren’t somehow contributing to what’s thwarting your success. If you are totally honest – and I do mean brutally honest with yourself - I bet you’ll see that you are inadvertently stoking the fire so to speak.

Sometimes this is easier said than done. And if you are too close and can’t see the woods for the trees, then perhaps I could help. Have a look at my readings offerings or drop me a line and ask.

Happiness is always an option. But it’s up to you to choose it as a way of life!

Over at PsychicBridges, I look at whether there’s any truth in the saying that opportunity knocks only once. If you’ve had it and lost it, find out if you can get it back. Read my article in full.

I always welcome your thoughts and feedback on IntuitiveBridges, so let me hear from you by clicking here.

Until next week,

Kindest regards,

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