Monday 10 March 2008

Are you happy? If not now, when?

Some time ago I met with a client who said that she had one and only one question for me. She sat down and told me her life story very matter-of-factly. She said that while holding down a full-time job, she had raised a family. The children had grown up and left home to live their own lives. She had gone back to school and got a graduate degree. She had even written a book. But amidst all her accomplishments she hadn’t managed one key part of life.

Ten points to those of you who already know what her question was. It’s one we have all asked ourselves from time to time. Unfortunately, it’s one that is too often ignored – not for minutes, weeks or months but for years. She went a bit quiet when she posed her question:

When will I be happy?

As she looked me in the eye expectantly, I really felt that she would have been completely satisfied had I responded with “eight months” or “six months” or even “four years”. But instead I answered her question with a question. I asked her to tell me what would make her happy.

Immediately it became clear what was at the crux of the matter. She had confused happiness with success. The more she tried to tell me what would make her happy the longer and more intricate her list became of things she, as well as those near her, needed to do.

If she had this house, she would be happy. If her husband did that, she would be content. If she got that degree, life would be golden. Well, she’s done all those things. And she’s given her best shot at goading those within her influence to do her bidding. Still it’s not enough.

The good news is that she’s reached the point at which she can recognise that she’s on a treadmill. And although she’s verging on cynicism, she appreciates that even if she managed to cross off everything on her endless to-do list, she would not be assured of being happy.

I am sharing this story with you this week because my client, like so many of us, has defined happiness through the lens of the Second Chakra. This is the domain of control and power. The Second Chakra is all about our dealings with money, sexuality and creativity. The energy here is competitive and it’s hot. In short, all that society tells us that we should associate with having success is found dripping in the energy of the Second Charka.

Happiness, however, is not to be found in a chakra that’s all about our one-on-one interactions with people – our desires to control and have power over those around us. No, happiness is found higher up, namely in the Fourth Chakra. Here the energy is love. It’s light and it’s self-contained.

To be happy we have to look within ourselves. If you are looking for someone else to make you happy or have put your happiness on hold until a certain condition is met – losing weight for example – then you are likely to end up just as unhappy after that relationship or any other prerequisite is long gone.

I get tough with my clients. I do so from a place of compassion. But I can be extremely demanding on them. With some clients, I think I’m the first person who hasn’t simply coddled them and told them that it would all work out. Such was the case with the client I’ve been telling you about.

I summarised all that she had done to make herself happy. I then asked her whether that strategy had worked for her. “No” was her reply. I then got her to brainstorm on what she could possibly do to attain that state of mind. She spent quite a while pondering until she reached the conclusion that there probably wasn’t anything out there to make her happy.

My advice? I saw that she really had two choices. It’s a classic now-or-never scenario. She could get up and decide to be happy now, appreciating that it’s her right and within her power. Or she could admit defeat and come to terms that she would never be happy and that this was as good as it was going to get.

Thankfully she accepted my challenge and through a lot of hard work she is now possibly one of the happiest people I know. Nothing gets her down. And despite her troubles – no, her life isn’t perfect, far from it in fact – she knows that she’s going to be fine. She’ll be better than fine. She will be happy.

Step back and ask yourself whether you are happy. If the answer is not a resounding yes, then you need to ask yourself WHY. Be firm with yourself and demand an answer. You owe it to yourself as happiness is always, always, always an option.

Every day I work with clients who have chosen to empower themselves to make the changes that they need to live a healthier and more authentic life. My Medical Intuitive Readings help identify the spiritual issues underlying illness and through my Intuitive Life Coaching I provide one-on-one sessions to guide and inspire my clients to do it for themselves. If you are ready to accept that challenge and behold the awesome potential of your own powerhouse, then let’s get started today!

And this week over at PsychicBridges, I look whether clothing can be haunted by the ghosts of owners past. Find out what I have to say here.

I always welcome your thoughts and feedback on IntuitiveBridges, so let me hear from you by clicking here.

Until next week,

Kindest regards,

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