Friday 5 June 2009

Why don't we help ourselves more?

This past week I was speaking with a man who had come to me for a reading. Let’s call him Steve, of course not his real name. As is the case with most of my clients for whom I’m reading for the first time, I knew nothing about him. When he rang at the arranged time, I simply asked him to repeat his name a few times so that I could connect with his energy over the phone and get to that place where the impressions flow.

Immediately with Steve, I got a series of images of him opening books and looking up information. In each case, he found what he sought. And yet, I would see him again reaching for another book to discover what he seemingly already knew. To me, this wasn’t a sign that he was suffering from an obsession, but rather that what he sought from me was something that he already knew.

You might be surprised by how many people come to me seeking answers to questions who, upon hearing what I perceive, tell me that they had known it at some level already or had always known it – even consciously.

For some clients, the verification is all they need. With their questions answered, they can take their confirmation and move forward in life. For others, however, they don’t take action. Instead, as was the case with Steve, they would continue to pose the question again and again. No matter how often the answer comes up, they still won’t do anything about it.

Here’s a question for each of us to wrestle with: Why won’t we take information that we believe is true or that in some way resonates with us and act upon it – especially when we are convinced that our lives would be better?

In other words, why won’t we help ourselves more?

One answer might be that we are lazy. Indeed, we humans like our comfort zones. We get settled into our routines and bad habits become the monkeys on our backs. But the people who come to me are for the most part very motivated and driven people. Oftentimes, they are extremely successful and accomplished individuals. It would simply not be accurate to describe them as lazy people.

So then, why won’t ready, able and willing people take the steps that they know they need to take? If they aren’t lazy, then what are they? Why won’t they do what is so obvious and yet for some reason they need someone like me to spell it out to them once more?

Fear might seem a likely candidate. And in fact, I believe that fear plays a role. But it would be an oversimplification to chalk this down to fear. It’s more multifaceted as is often the case with us complex beings.

In my experience, the reason that we don’t take the steps that we know we need to in life is down to self-esteem, or more accurately to lack of it. None of us were born with self-esteem. We hear that we have to earn it. How we do that is unique to our individual life situations.

Somehow and somewhere we have to develop a level of respect and regard for ourselves that empowers us to live for and by our own set of rules or code of conduct. Put differently, we get to the point when we stop seeking the approval and permission of others for how we live.

Another interesting aspect to self-esteem is that, in my experience, someone could have bucket loads of the stuff in one part of their life and a dearth of it in another. So, the confident and independent thinker might have to be told by society what to wear. It’s not an across-the-board kind of thing.

In Steve’s case, it was all about his line of work. He could change it but he hadn’t. Moreover, he knew that it was adversely impacting his life and wellbeing. This kind of paralysis comes up in work a lot. But I also see it in so many other areas in my clients’ lives. Some remain in broken relationships. Others continue to eat what they know is responsible for their weight problems. The situations are different. The common thread? An issue with self-esteem.

The good news is that low self-esteem can be fixed. If what I’m writing this week speaks to you, know that you are not cursed or doomed. You can change. The first step is to acknowledge that it’s about self-esteem and not the particular problem. The problem is the distraction.

Begin by asking yourself what life would be like if you had the guts to take the action that has eluded you so far. Put pen to paper and describe that life. What’s different? Who’s there? How are you acting? Construct the image and then deconstruct it. Pick it apart and analyse it to the nth degree. The nut you’re aiming to crack is what rules in your life would have to change to allow you to make the change that you want.

The next step is to commit to one thing that you can do today that brings you that little bit closer from where you are now toward that vision you have of what could be. Don’t think great, big, huge kinds of change here. I always tell my clients to climb the adult mountain in baby steps.

Chances are you’ve tried this before and it’s not worked out. Well, then try again. But this time ask yourself why you let yourself fail. Why did you let yourself off the hook? I give you permission to give yourself a healthy dose of tough love. Hold yourself responsible. Then, pick yourself up and make a vow that this time will be different. AND THEN STICK TO IT!

One of the greatest ways to increase your self-esteem is to start holding yourself accountable. Don’t blame another person for your life. Don’t blame yourself. But do take responsibility. And then, take that action that you’ve been putting off for so long.

Some of us are disciplined to do this kind of work on our own. Others of us, like Steve, need the guiding hand of someone else, who can keep you focused on the choices you’re making along the way.

Every day I work with clients who have chosen to empower themselves to make the changes that they need to live a healthier and more authentic life. Through my Intuitive Life Coaching I provide one-on-one sessions to guide and inspire my clients to do it for themselves, whereas my Medical Intuitive Readings help identify the spiritual issues underlying illness. If you are ready to accept that challenge and behold the awesome potential of your own powerhouse, then let’s get started today!

Don’t forget about my Journey to Power forums. Please join me there and let me know why you think we don't help ourselves as and when we should. I look forward to your postings!

I always welcome your thoughts and feedback on IntuitiveBridges, so let me hear from you by clicking here.

Until next week,

Kindest regards,

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